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Warning: Spoilers for the whole series.

Kiss With Open Eyes

by sistersleep


Stripping naked in an exam room wasn't that bad. It was mildly familiar. It's what the room was designed for. There was even something somewhat resembling a bed. It was more than good enough.

If Ryan told himself that enough, he might start believing it.

He could always tell she didn't like being with him this way -- in here. In her hospital ward. It reminded her to feel guilty. Reminded her of everything they didn't have. Ryan focused on the warmth in those brown eyes, and discarded everything else, losing it in her mouth.

She always stopped to check and make sure the door was locked, holding him at bay as he chased after more of that smooth caramel skin. The second away was too much, his hands clung to her, pulling her back as soon as she was assured of what little privacy they could shakily steal. He had to only think of her, near, pushing away the chances of getting caught.

He tugged her back into his arms when she was done with the door, wrapping around her, for a suddenly desperate kiss. It was always rougher than he meant it to be. They slipped back to smooth so easily, he forgot every time to watch himself in the future.

Soft lips on his, traces of lipstick. He felt the light scratch of her nails over the small of his back. Any impulse to shove him away had been drowned long ago. Climbing onto the exam table, careful of her smaller frame under his, covering her body, she was as close as he'd always wanted her. Almost.

He'd never have her like he really wanted. This was as close as they would ever get.

The exam table hurt his fucking knees and he could hear the sticking slide of her skin on it.

Burying his face in her throat, he inhaled the faint perfume of shampoo and her soap, almost worn away by the antiseptic medical smell that clung to her. It was the only time rubbing alcohol and all that disinfectant shit smelled good to him. Better than being outside. Heaven.

Like when he slipped into her. Everything before that became a blur. He felt the soar of the clouds through his cock. Her breath an angel's. Face so full of light it blotted out the grey.

Muffling his groan made it come out like a low whine, breasts pressing softly against him. Only thing soft in his life. He pulled her closer. He could almost get off on the light mindless rub of small hard nipples across his chest alone.

Her fingers threaded through his, one hand gripping one of his tightly as he buried himself in her, living for the roll of her hips up against him, wrapped up in wet and warmth. So fucking good. He didn't even feel the chill industry of the room anymore. Only the hot pull of his dick, harder just at being inside.

Her fingers rubbed against his with their clasped hands, and he felt the twinge of the tight band of hair around his finger.

Shit.

He dropped her hand, trying to cover the sudden move by touching her. Needed to. Couldn't think of his brother's hair wrapped around his finger in a ring of remembrance. Still there. Dirty and frayed and slowly falling apart.

He should have taken it off before he came here, but he always forgot. Maybe he was secretly afraid that removing it now that it was so worn would destroy it.

Keep both hands on her. Hold her here. Ryan stared into dark brown eyes and felt only her soft fucking skin sliding under his palms. Cradled between those beautiful thighs, locked in.

He forgot everything but her as they moved. Together. He was only here with her. Nowhere else in the world.

"Ryan..."

Fuck yes. He moved into the soft low gasp of her voice, kissing across her collarbone.

"Gloria...Love you..." He dropped the word like rain when they were stripped like this, and he didn't even care.

There would never be a more perfect place to say it than against her skin. Here, inside and held tight. He could pretend their murmurs were quiet because this was private, not only to keep from alerting others.

He pulled her up with the arch of her back, hands sliding over damp hips to rest firmly in the soft little dip of the small of her back. Ryan knew the examination table wasn't pleasant for her, too flat and solid. Made for patients to be prodded and manipulated on, not for writhing.

The change in position wasn't smooth, narrow space and melded bodies making it difficult. His thrusts were forced to turn shallow, and he rode up hard, longing for steady and deep when she finally settled on top of him.

"Mmm..." His tongue ran across his lips as he watched her. Above him, gorgeous skin under his hands as they ran up her stomach.

The table was fucking hard, and he was sweaty enough to stick and rub uncomfortably on it. The squeak ran counterpoint to their breaths. Fuck it. The grind of Gloria 's hips was worth fucking on broken glass.

At least it wasn't covered in that shitty butcher paper usually found in the exam rooms. They would have soaked it through. Ripped it to shreds.

He loved how shallow her breath got when she was on top. Loved the lean of her into him. Dipping down to kiss him. Because she wanted to.

Liked getting to reach up and cup her tits when she arched back up straight and tall.

He didn't like it being harder to lick and suck...

Nails traced down his chest, light enough to raise goose bumps on his skin. Tease. She didn't want to leave marks and open him to trouble. He always wished she would.

"Ohh..." He bit his bottom lip as a groan tore through him, body instinctually bucking up.

She was a fucking genius with her hips. All that heat in her eyes focused down on him, as she moved like nothing else in the world could touch them.

He loved that he knew that now. Exactly how she moved, fitting with him, passionate. Knowing exactly how she tasted. No more dreams. Reality.

She bent down to cover his mouth with hers. To shut him up. To contain her own moan as she started to tremble. Hard and soft all wrapped up and around him.

Her sharp teeth bit into his lip for him as that tremble took over. Fuck yes. Ride me.

He tasted blood. Still didn't care.

Ryan half-wanted to tell her to bite him harder, but when her lips drifted from his, his voice slipped to that treacherous trying-to-be-quiet low whimper again as he followed her, willingly and gone.

Gloria pulled up straight. He was still inside her, spent and limp. She ran a finger over his sore lip.

"I'm sorry." Concern and caring there in her voice. For him.

A tremble ran through Ryan like a warm aftershock.

He shook his head, ignoring the way it rubbed unpleasantly against the hard table. "I don't care if you bite me so hard you have to give me fucking stitches. You're a doctor, right? If you hurt me, you can fix me right up." He winked to make her smile.

It worked. She tried for a wry grin, but she couldn't help but mean it. It was like coming all over again.

Until she shifted off of him, and he slid out of her. He groaned, a pale ghost of pleasure, reaching out to drag his hand over her skin as she got off the table and started gathering her clothes.

Had to dress fast. Stripping and dressing like lightning took away half of the fun. They could talk and anything else outside of this room. Here...they had to snatch this fast and quiet.

Ryan sat up, pulling the condom off with the smallest wet snap.

Had to be careful. Always. Couldn't get pregnant by a father that had no chance of life.

He tied it off and half-leapt off the table, feet bracing hard on cold ground.

He knew exactly the number of steps to the little red bio-hazard container. He smirked at the words of warning as he ditched the condom there.

She was pulling her shirt back on when he turned around. He grabbed his pants and dressed just as quickly.

When he was done, he saw a peek of that guilt again, mixed with love that still blotted out everything else in his view, as she placed her stethoscope back around her neck, slung around her shoulders. Ryan's arms wrapped back around her. Had to. Stay close just another second, face buried in her neck. He closed his eyes and sighed against her skin, arms tightening with her shiver.

Stay here. With this love. He needed this. Needed to bask in Gloria's feelings for him long enough to ease the hollow of the love and devotion that was gone. Gloria loved him. Cyril...couldn't anymore.

One traded for the other, without his consent. This was the only place where that bargain didn't tear him up from the inside. He hadn't meant it to happen this way.

He'd only wanted her, something good and true. He hadn't thought the cost would be the only other good pure thing in his life. Like scales were weighing his shitty life. You can only have one. Not both.

He wouldn't have chosen. He'd been too blind.

It was too late.

One was here, one was gone.

No more dreams. Reality.

"Stay with me." The murmured words left his throat, quiet enough to make their escape without getting caught and held back.

He moved his head into the gentle caress of her hand, following her touch to face those eyes again.

"I have to go back out there and work, you know." Gloria's voice was gentle but practical. She loved him. She cared about her job.

He wasn't talking about not getting caught, though. He didn't need her to stay in this cold clinical room. Ryan had to reach out and run his hand over smooth hair, unable to stop staring.

She understood, finally, reaching up to squeeze his hand where it had come to rest on her jaw.

"Once he catches you -- Ryan O'Reily is harder to escape than Oz." Gloria talking about them like she sometimes did. Her way of saying -- I'm not going anywhere. Secretively, so she didn't bare her soul with her words more than she already did with her eyes.

He bet she would say it out loud if he pressed. But he didn't need too.

Her lips formed the softest grin, with her eyes serious and steady enough for him to back off, leave the room, with one last kiss.

He tucked away her promise to stay loving him, her warmth, because it was all he had left.

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End

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